D.A.D.U.P. – Devotion 5.6.18

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Scientists say that the “scent” of a rose is made up of over 275 distinct compounds.

It would take a pretty DEVOTED candle maker to make a candle for each variation… and that’s just for one flower.

But what really makes a candle’s scent blossom is the flame. That’s your job. You are the fire that keeps burning for your daughter. Remaining DEVOTED to being a constant and reliable presence in her life is a key factor of fatherhood.

It’s never too late to spark something special. Your DEVOTION and dedication to her can start at any age (if it hasn’t already.) Dad Up and DEVOTE time for you and her to connect. Your heart may be the only thing that gets melted.

Dad up. More at www.ddtime.org/dadup

(At each of our Daddy Daughter Time events, we hand out D.A.D.U.P. cards to all of the Dads. It’s a way to help remind them to remain intentional in their daughters’ lives. There are five main components of the program: Dependability. Approachability. Devotion. Understanding. Patience. After each event, we post the message that was handed out here on our blog.)

Call Me Daddy?

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I don’t want to presume to know what your relationship with your daughter’s mother is… but in my house, if I were to ask my wife to “call me Daddy,” I’d be on the receiving end of some serious side-eye, a cringe, and a raised eyebrow (if not just outright laughter.)

And yet, those words came out of my mouth the other day.

Stick with me. I had a pretty good reason.  Read More

D.A.D.U.P. – Understanding 4.24.18

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At some point, understanding your daughter may feel like learning a two- handed down tuck turn during the Lindy Hop. (Read: confusing and difficult.)

But if you take the time to try and understand her point of view, you may avoid shutting down a line of communication that can be hard to reopen. Your daughter could be going through normal physical and hormonal changes or there could be a change of social circumstance. It’s pretty common for young girls to experience dramatic emotional ups and downs.

Your job? Relate more and ‘fix’ less. They say that 90% of being a good dad is just showing up. But that other 10% is vital and it includes trying to understand the world from her viewpoint so you can keep your relationship strong and grow closer.  

Dad up. More at www.ddtime.org/dadup

(At each of our Daddy Daughter Time events, we hand out D.A.D.U.P. cards to all of the Dads. It’s a way to help remind them to remain intentional in their daughters’ lives. There are five main components of the program: Dependability. Approachability. Devotion. Understanding. Patience. After each event, we post the message that was handed out here on our blog.)

March Dadness

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Many Dads find themselves fervently following the NCAA men’s college basketball tournament this time of year. There are buzzer beaters, busted brackets, and usually a “Cinderella” who makes it all the way to the dance. (See: Loyola Chicago)

You’ll want that same passion and attention to become a PTP’er (that’s Prime Time Parent).

For example, if you can reel off the names of the starting lineup of your favorite team but can’t name your daughter’s favorite food, teacher, singer, best friend’s name, and proudest accomplishment…you may want to call a timeout and make a new game plan.

From the time she could remember, you have been her coach. And like any great coach, you should know your “team member’s” personality, quirks, and what motivates her. Don’t wait until you have to heave a half court shot her way. Do it today. Take 5 minutes of one-on-one time to talk… and more importantly to listen. Soon you’ll see that being an active and involved Dad is as easy as a layup. #DadUp

Looking for something to do together? Check out our EVENTS page and come join us at our next event!

D.A.D.U.P. – Approachable 3.11.18

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It’s a pretty safe bet that your daughter will find you approachable enough to reach out if she feels herself falling. It’s a physical reaction and hopefully your roller skating skills are up to the job and you won’t tumble with her.

But being emotionally approachable is much more important. When her world starts to slip, you want her to reach out to you before she turns to her friends, TV, or social media for guidance. Recent stats show only around 4% of teenage girls feel that they can approach their fathers to discuss a serious problem.

You can change that. Start by listening. Undivided attention goes a long way in showing her that she can approach you when she needs some real advice.  

Dad up. More at www.ddtime.org/dadup

(At each of our Daddy Daughter Time events, we hand out D.A.D.U.P. cards to all of the Dads. It’s a way to help remind them to remain intentional in their daughters’ lives. There are five main components of the program: Dependability. Approachability. Devotion. Understanding. Patience. After each event, we post the message that was handed out here on our blog.)

D.A.D.U.P. – Devotion 2.11.18

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According to a Team USA trainer, NBA superstar Kobe Bryant once held a workout that started at 4 a.m. where he refused to leave the gym until he had made 800 shots! That’s DEVOTION.

And it’s that type of DEVOTION that you need to be an all-star Dad. It’s the repetition of being a constant guide in her life, with the day to day stuff, that creates the muscle memory to make it second nature.

Remain DEVOTED to staying involved and being active in her life. Be her coach. Be her cheerleader. Be her defense. Dad up.

Be her coach. Be her cheerleader. Be her defense. Dad up. More at www.ddtime.org/dadup

(At each of our Daddy Daughter Time events, we hand out D.A.D.U.P. cards to all of the Dads. It’s a way to help remind them to remain intentional in their daughters’ lives. There are five main components of the program: Dependability. Approachability. Devotion. Understanding. Patience. After each event, we post the message that was handed out here on our blog.)

Daddy Daughter Time: Candle Making

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Looking for something different to do with your daughter(s)? You might want to give candlemaking a try. Before you Google “how to get soy wax out of dog fur or carpeting,” take a breath. There’s a new place you can go to in Grand Rapids called Wax Poetic Candle Bar that does the heavy lifting for you.

I recently took my 7-year-old daughter there and she had a blast. The process is simple…but don’t go if you have a stuffy nose. You’re going to need all of the olfactory tools your schnoz has to offer at the ready.  Read More

D.A.D.U.P. – Dependability 1.21.18

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Ultra violet light is invisible to the human eye. but it’s effect is impressive in the right situation (like the DDT Glowzone!)  Along that same line, many things you do as a father aren’t things your daughter can necessarily see until the right situation arises.

One of those things is your word. When a situation where she really needs you does come up, will she know that she can DEPEND on you?

Being DEPENDABLE builds trust so she knows she can count on you to be there when you say you’ll be there and do the things you said you would do.  The payoff? The glow on her face when she realizes you are a Dad of your word.  More at www.ddtime.org/dadup

(At each of our Daddy Daughter Time events, we hand out D.A.D.U.P. cards to all of the Dads. It’s a way to help remind them to remain intentional in their daughters’ lives. There are five main components of the program: Dependability. Approachability. Devotion. Understanding. Patience. After each event, we post the message that was handed out here on our blog.)

New Year’s Intentions

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Let’s be honest. New Year’s Resolutions stink.

They are a guilt trip in waiting.

So, let’s call these New Year’s Intentions.

The good news? Most, if not all, are promises you can actually keep.

  1. Spend less time on projects or cleaning and more time playing with your kids. Trust us. They don’t care if the house is perfectly clean but they’ll remember spending time with you.
     
  2. Stop “comparenting.” You do you. Don’t let what other people think of your parenting skills bring you down. Your awesome kids didn’t get that way by themselves so you may actually be pretty good at this fatherhood thing.
     
  3. Take a deep breath when stuff gets crazy. Then let it out slowly and keep your cool.
     
  4. Kick the butts… or any other unhealthy habit that might be taking years from your life. You’re going to want to watch them grow up and give you grandkids.
     
  5. Buy less stuff. Rather, invest in more experiences/vacations/time with your family. The best present is to BE present.
     
  6. Love the mother of your children…or (for some of you divorced dads) at the very least don’t badmouth her in front of them.
     
  7. Floss your teeth. Ok, so that one may be tough. 😉 But modeling healthy behavior will help them learn from watching you.
     
  8. Love being a Dad. It isn’t always a picnic but the potential payoff is something hard to even put into words.

Now that you’ve got your “intentions” for the New Year. Don’t forget to follow these five tips from David Mizne of 15five.com. They are the best way to see if you can actually stick to the plan.

  1. Set realistic goals. Know your limitations and give yourself a shot at success.
  2. Break those goals up into smaller ones. It doesn’t have to happen all at once.
  3. Buddy up. Share your goals with a friend and then give them a free pass to hold you accountable.
  4. Make a recovery plan. When that guilt trip hits because you’ve been dropping the ball, don’t beat yourself up over it. But don’t let yourself off the hook either. Just start a new streak.
  5. Speaking of starting. Do that. Today. Day One doesn’t have to be January 1… or even have a one in it.

#dadup

Be Known

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My Dad – 1956

It’s around this time of year that being a father takes on a deeper meaning for me and it has nothing to do with the holidays. My father was born in November and each year on his birthday, I remember that another year has passed since he died in 2008. He was only 67 years old.

The thing I remember most is how little I knew about him.

I still recall his retirement party and asking him to recount each job he’d held since he started working. I finally wanted to know more about him as a person. I don’t know why it took me so long to take an active interest in his life – who he was as a young man, what his dreams had been and future dreams were, who his friends were and to hear tales about how he grew up. Those types of conversations were ones I’d never considered starting.

Of course, I knew what he had done for a living. I knew what his role in the household was. But I had no idea who he was. We’d never had the type of relationship, by no real fault of his, where those types of talks would happen naturally. He had tried a few times, when I was an unbearably rebellious pre-teen, to spend time with me golfing or fishing. It wasn’t easy for him.  I was the youngest of five, with siblings all within six years of age, and I’m sure his hands were pretty full.  I just wasn’t interested or was too preoccupied…and at that age I still hadn’t grasped how finite our time here really is.  And by the time I had matured enough and made the conscious decision to purposefully learn more about him as an individual, rather than just a Dad, he was gone.

That’s a regret I carry with me every day.

But it’s also a motivating factor on how I parent my daughters. I want to be known.

Being approachable is one of the five core traits we encourage fathers to implement in their daily parenting through Daddy Daughter Time’s D.A.D.U.P program. As fathers, we are the first men our daughters will know and see as an example of who to date/marry. The more my daughters know about me, the more yours know about you, the better.

Nobody’s perfect and daughters knowing that about their fathers can be an incredibly positive thing. How do we deal with our faults, errors, and struggles? What are our goals? What is the code by which we live our lives and make our decisions? Those are the heavy hitters. On the lighter side…What were we like as kids? What do we find funny or do for fun?

The sad fact is that I can’t answer most of those questions about my father and I won’t ever get the chance. But I hope my girls never have to face that same fact. I plan to be as approachable as I can and let them know that while I’m their father first, I’m available as more than just their Dad. I’m a person and hopefully someone who they will want to know more about.

I encourage you to open up and share your memories, good and bad, with your daughters. Share your outlook on life, your goals for the future,  what makes you…you. Don’t only be known as a provider or a disciplinarian. Be known for the man you are.